Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Gossip is evil, I'm convinced of it. Talking about someone when they are not there to defend themselves is simply not fair. And I have a strong sense of justice. Yet I am pretty sure I am guilty of gossipping. I make all sorts of excuses for it. I tell myself that it is to help me "work out my issues" with someone else before going directly to the source of the problem. Or I convince myself it's not really gossip if I don't say anything bad. What is the definition of gossip?
According to Wikipedia, gossip is "idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It forms one of the oldest and most common means of sharing (unproven) facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information transmitted. The term also carries implications that the news so transmitted (usually) has a personal or trivial nature, as opposed to normal conversation.
So, am I gossiping when I am talking with a friend about our singing teacher, for example, and we complain about how the class is run? My intuition tells me it's wrong, but sometimes I need to bounce ideas off someone else before going directly to the person I'm having an issue with.Am I gossiping if I share something one friend has told me with another mutual friend? Do I have to ask the first friend's permission before sharing?
Having just turned 60, you'd think I'd have a handle on this kind of thing, but frankly, I'm still stuck. They used to say in the 12-step programs that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Well, I guess I'm a bit insane when it comes to gossip, because I can't seem to stop. I make myself feel better by saying it's not malicious gossip. But it is gossip, nonetheless.
I think Spirit is whispering to me loud and clear that this is something I need to change. Making a concerted effort to catch myself in this behavior needs to become a priority. Continuing behavior that doesn't feel good just doesn't make sense and it is certainly not who I want to be.