Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Telling the Truth Tuesday - Letting Go Part III
To bring this discussion to some sort of closure, I want to focus on how to let go of emotions that aren't healthy like anger, resentment, jealousy, envy. I'm still discovering how to do this, so we're going to explore this together.
Growing up, I never felt anger. Or if I did, it was unconscious. Instead, I'd feel hurt, and if the hurt was deep enough, it would become depression. A therapist once said depression is anger turned inward. It is a good clue for me. If I start to feel depressed, I look back at events, conversations to see where I might have felt anger but repressed the emotion instead.
Resentment ususally comes when I'm not taking good enough care of myself. When I over-extend my energy, over-commit, or just plain don't do the things I need to do on a daily basis: walk, prayer/meditation, arm exercises, practice singing, and write/market. On a given day, I can miss one of these things and it will be okay, but if more than one gets left out, I start to feel off kilter and will resent anything I have to do for anyone else.
Jealousy is tougher. It takes self-examination and logical thinking to work through it. It is unrealistic for me to expect to have the body of a 20-year-old. But I can have a healthy 60-year-old body. If I'm jealous of another female and how she looks, I have to ask myself if I'm doing all that I can to feel good about myself in that area. For example, I hate wearing make-up, but if that's what it takes to feel better about myself, am I willing to do it. If the answer is no, as it usually is, than I have to accept my appearance as is and let go of the jealousy.
Being envious of writers who have succeeded in ways I haven't is even harder. I tried everything I knew to get an agent and be published traditionally. It didn't work. I have to accept that. I do believe things happen the way they are supposed to. This is my path. It is the way my book was meant to go out into the world. When and if I complete the next book, I will try again the traditional way. And work on letting go of the results.
Whether or not I divulge my true feelings to others must be decided on a moment to moment basis. Usually it is fear of rejection that keeps me from speaking my truth. But the older I get, the harder it is to keep my truth from spilling out of my mouth, and the less I want to keep it hidden. I just have to learn to choose my words more carefully. I can give myself a time-out before I speak, to make sure what and how I am communicating is conveying my intention.
This subject has deep roots that spread far and wide, like an ancient tree. I'm sure it will surface again, but for now, I'm going to let it be. Thank you all for sticking with me and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I learn much from each of you.