Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Telling the Truth Tuesday - When Self-Doubt Moves Out

In order to have self-esteem, once must have a self. Or at least a sense of oneself. My spirit was shattered when I was a small child, pieces of my heart and mind and soul scattered like shards of broken glass. It has taken more than 50 years for me to gather those parts inside to form a whole.

Writing my memoir was a huge part of that healing journey. It enabled me to synethize the events, and the thoughts and feelings associated with those events, so that they made sense to me. I could see where I came from, what impacted me and why, and what I needed to do to heal.

The journey did not end when the memoir was completed and published. When a soul is damaged, it is an ongoing process of recognizing and mending the wounds. The one I'm working on healing now is self-doubt, which creeps into the corners of my mind when I am least expecting it, masking itself as truth.

It sometimes takes a Sherlock Holmes mindset to discover the masquerade. But there is a feeling-tone, an energy, a sense of something askew that lets me know self-doubt has made an appearance. I don't feel comfortable inside my own skin. I am more irritable than usual. I question even the most mundane decisions. These sensations are quite different from the calm, quiet strength of inner-knowing. When, even if a decision turns out to be incorrect, you trust yourself and the process. That this is just one more step on the road.

Self-doubt is moving out of my being. It is not leaving easily. It tells me my writing isn't worth a damn. It tells me I don't matter to my friends. It questions the love of my hubby. It reminds me of all my pain rather than all my blessings. But each morning, during my prayer and meditation time, I say, "Self-doubt, move out" and ask wise woman energy to please come in. And each day, I am feeling that energy shift more and more.

When we become aware of something that has plagued us all of our lives, it is called awakening. My intent is that my consciousness continue to wake up to whatever keeps me from being the best I can be. Self-doubt, move out!!

What is it that keeps you from being the best you can be?



Stephanie Faris said...

Self-doubt, move out. I love it!!! I think I worry too much what others think. I need to become more centered and realize I'M the only one who matters when it comes to opinions of self.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Just those small moments of dicouragement that make me wonder...

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

Having been "put down" most of my life by some family members and experiencing abuse, I wonder if I have worth some days. It is a constant battle to keep from "picking off the battle scabs" and reliving the gaping wounds that seem to never heal. When I doubt myself whether I have any self worth, I try to stop what I'm doing and pray. For me prayer and remembering the blessings, the battles I have won, help me to heal.

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

I also have moments of self-doubt and insecurities but fortunately they usually pass quickly - thanks to supportive family and friends.

Helen Ginger said...

Such a great post, Karen. I so appreciate that you're sharing this process you're going through. I wonder if we all have doubts about our "worth." Is there even such a thing as a "normal" childhood? Sure, I have times of self-doubt and it stems from childhood.

Straight From Hel

The Old Silly said...

"Self-doubt is moving out of my being."

Make that your mantra. Go even further, and say with gratitude to the Universe, "I am thankful that all self doubt has been removed from me and I am blessed to filled with self confidence this day and every moment. Thanks you God, for the exquisite experience of here and now."

We get what we focus on - Law of Attraction - focus on and be thankful for blessings even BEFORE they are reality, and the universe will in its benevolence bestow upon you that which you ask for through your single minded focus.

It's great the way you share your spiritual journey with us, Karen - you're definitely making quantum leaps forward!

Marvin D Wilson

Authors Promoting Authors said...

I loved this post, thank-you so much for sharing.

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

I love your Tuesday series, Karen. It really makes me stop and think.

I think I hold myself back sometimes because I don't want to put myself first. Or I feel guilty if I do.

Mystery Writing is Murder

Elspeth Antonelli said...

What a wonderful post! I'm like Elizabeth, I have guilt about putting myself first. And self-esteem issues? Many, many, many.

By the way, thanks for dropping by my blog yesterday. Don't be a stranger! Enjoy your holiday in Scotland and Ireland. I'm green with envy (pun intended)!


Patricia Stoltey said...

Wonderful post, Karen. You made me stop and think, and I decided "regret" keeps me from being the best I can be. On any given day I can pile up regrets about everything from being rude to a market research caller on the phone to getting unreasonably angry with one of my kids 30 years ago. I need to start telling myself, "No regrets about yesterday. Just do better today."

Karen Walker said...

Thanks for sharing, everyone. And for those of you who have trouble putting yourself first, I always remember what they tell us on airplanes regarding oxygen. Put your own on first. It is a metaphor for life. If we don't take care of ourselves, we don't have what it takes to do for others. Feeding our own souls gives us energy for everything else. Of course, I have trouble with this one as well, so I'm preaching to myself here, not you guys.

Rayna M. Iyer said...

Beautiful post, Karen.
What holds me back most is my definition of myself - I am convinced I can do certain things and not do certain things, and those definitions I stick to.

Lauri Kubuitsile said...

We are the only people who should define our destinies. You are doing right by letting go of those self doubts. I always ask myself when I fear something- what is the worst that can happen? And then I think can I handle that? If I can- I proceed. It is almost always YES.

Thanks fro stopping by my blog BTW. :)

Garret said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Garret Gillespie said...

I watched the special features on the DVD for A Beautiful Mind and was struck by Ron Howard's explanation that the characters John Nash "sees" in the movie are actually only "voices" in real life. Ron said they used visual images for the sake of the movie, but the real John Nash describes them as voices he hears. When I heard that I realized I carry voices from my own youth that are hard to ignore. It's a constant battle to replace my negative voices with new positive ones. I'm finally making progress through research and study of others' successes and through risking and experiencing my own successes. Thanks for another reenforcement that I'm not alone.