Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Telling the Truth Tuesday - Losing and Finding Friends

I mentioned in yesterday's post that I re-connected with an old friend. Crystal, from Crystal Clear Proofing, responded by saying, "One thing that stood out in your post is the rekindling of a "lost" friendship. You only mention it in passing, but many times that is a huge step. Difficult and sometimes not even possible. I commend and congratulate you on this achievement. In a situation like that one can find closure on one hand and a sense of peace and growth on another."

Crystal is so right, especially for me. I don't have a great history when it comes to women friends. I married my best friend from high school's brother and lost her when he and I divorced. Another close friend ended up marrying my first ex. Lost that one as well. Still another close friend ended up with my second ex. Are we seeing a pattern here, folks? The last friend I lost was a teacher.

This a complicated topic for me and one I can't adequately address in a blog post. I can't really go into what happened with the friend I reconnected with without disclosing things about her and her life, which I will not do. Suffice it to say, we both were able to acknowledge to one another that we caused each other pain, but that we had, at the time, done the best we could. In the end, that's all each and every one of us can do. In each and every moment, we can be the very best we can be and do what our hearts and minds and souls tell us to do. If it works, great. If we're wrong, admit it.

Yes, it was a gift of closure and of opening, as well.


P.S. Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for Helen Ginger's guest post, "The End is Really the Beginning."


Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

This is a subject that I wrestle with daily. Should I try to reconnect with old friends? Why aren't they still friends? What if when I reconnect it's more of a problem than the first problem that separated us? Does God put people in our life for a reason and His length of time and then take them out and we should leave it alone? And more questions....

Crystal Clear Proofing said...

Karen, it's so gratifying for me to realize that my comment stood out and gave pause for recognition on a deeper level of the magnitude of that reconnection.

As is so often the case with your posts, it caused me to look at myself - and one situation in particular. I found myself wondering, "Is she even AWARE of the hurt she inflicted?"

Sometimes people do or say things unwittingly, and sometimes WE take them in a way that was not intended. Regardless, I also questioned whether I could move past that hurt and resentment and do what you did.

I have, in many instances. But this one is a bit more involved and goes deeper. I'm still wondering about it - and may for a while before an answer comes to me. I listen to ME, and I know that at some point, I'll have an answer.

Joanne said...

It sounds like working past the pain inflicted in the past actually paves the way for a deeper relationship, richer in history and understanding and a journey travelled together. Kudos to you for crossing that bridge.

Helen Ginger said...

I haven't really re-connected with old friends, but I do find that the older I get, the more women friends I have. And I have some fabulous women friends! Most of them fellow writers.

Straight From Hel

The Old Silly said...

I absolutely love and treasure reconnecting with old friends. I had that experience just this past summer - one of my best buds from HS days found me on Facebook, happened to be coming to my area of the state and we hooked up for a long lunch. Fantastic. Glad you found closure with one of your old relationships that had gone sour. All that much sweeter, eh?

Marvin D Wilson

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

I think it's amazing that you were both able to put the past behind you. That's a really tough thing to do, Karen.

Mystery Writing is Murder

Patricia Stoltey said...

I believe there's an ebb and flow to all things, so I'm never really surprised when things or people I've lost drift back into my life. The tricky part comes when I would have preferred the thing (or person) stayed lost.

Tabitha Bird said...

Oh. Yeah, I can relate to the losing friends thing. I lost a very special friendship last year. sometimes there isn't anything you can do about it. I am hoping there is another friend around the corner.

Cyndi said...

That's great that you were able to forgive each other and become friends again. I don't know what I'd without my girlfriends.

Alexis Grant said...

This all sounds hard -- but good for you for reconciling with someone who's important to you. Where would we be in life without true friends?