Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Telling the Truth Tuesday - Assumptions

Making assumptions is never a good thing. I know this. But I forget, and then I'm in trouble. Or I miss out on something. That's what happened Saturday night. I was with friends that afternoon and we got around to talking about movies. I mentioned I wanted to see "Invictus." Well, they wanted to see it to. My understanding was that this one friend, B. would call me if they were going to go, then I'd call W. Then we'd all meet at the theater. Well, B didn't call, so I assumed she wasn't going. I stayed home, by myself (hubby went folkdancing). Nothing much on TV, played Spider Solitaire while watching "Twister." Boring, boring, boring. When hubby came home, I found out B had gone to the movies after all, with another friend, L.

My feelings were hurt. Then I caught myself in an old pattern--feeling left out and ignored. It lasted about 10 seconds, one for the record books, let me tell you. Immediately, I realized I'd assumed B wasn't going to the movies because she hadn't called like she said she would. Assumed is the key word here, folks.

Sunday morning, B called. "Where were you?" Hmmm. She'd assumed we were meeting at the theater. When I wasn't there, she'd assumed I was too tired to come.

In the scheme of things, this one is no big deal. I missed going to a movie with friends and had a boring Saturday night at home by myself. Blah. Blah. Blah.

But making assumptions is a big deal. I guess if there is chronic behavior, say someone always stops for a drink on their way home from work, it's safe to assume that's why they are late every night. Maybe.
Asking questions was always difficult for me. I don't like asking them and I don't like being asked questions. But I've learned how important it is to clarify things. If someone I love seems distant and uncommunicative, I used to assume I'd done something to cause it. If my parents were fighting, I used to assume it was my fault. If I ate right and exercised and still didn't lose a pound or so over a few week period, I'd assume I was doing something wrong.

But I'm going to make a big ole assumption here today. I bet I'm not the only one out here who gets in trouble because of her assumptions? Well, hmmm, how about it? Fess up. It's telling the truth Tuesday after all.

Many blessings to you and your families for a happy and healthy holiday season.


Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Oh, my goodness. I'm just an assumption-making machine. I usually assume that people look at life the same way I do--that they want what I want. That gets me in trouble ALL the time!

Mystery Writing is Murder

Joanne said...

Oh I've been there too. But I've also found that not always, but sometimes, an assumption is on-target. It's like that inner voice we're suppose to listen to, giving us a message. So I guess it's important to decipher between the two.

Cyndi said...

Well, your last assumption was absolutely correct! This sentence sums up the first 37 years of my life:

"If someone I love seems distant and uncommunicative, I used to assume I'd done something to cause it."

The Old Silly said...

Ooooh yeah - The Old Silly's gotten himself into lots of pickles over the years making assumptions, lol. But then you read my memoir, so you have some idea. (wink)

BTW, thanks for the kind words in you comment on my blog about my book. Would you consider writing a review and putting it up on amazon?

Enjoyed the post and muse as usual - have a wonderful holiday season yourself, Karen!

Marvin D Wilson

btw, my email addy was in that post, just not hyperlinked - it's marvwilson2020 at gmail dot com

Patricia Stoltey said...

I'm getting better about this as I get older. It appears I learned at least one thing in my 65+ years.

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

It seems like I would have learned by now that I should never assume anything, but I still do it all too often.

Crystal Clear Proofing said...

Great topic Karen! I spent many years of my life thinking that this or that was a result of ME. It took a lot of work to, for the most part, look at things more realistically or at least not just automatically assume it was me or something I'd done, not done, said, or not said.

Of course everyone does assume from time to time. But learning how NOT to do it, or being aware enough to recognize when you do, is a big accomplishment!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

You're right, we need to watch out for assumptions - especially since we normally assume the worst!

Do hope you get to go see that movie soon - it looks good! Maybe you and W should go?

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

Both my hands are reaching up high above my head and I'm shouting, "It's me!!! I'm an assumer (Is that a word?)!! I'm guilty of this more times than I want to acknowledge! How it works to eat away at my self-esteem and destroy relationships!! I'm seriously working to correct this problem.

Tabitha Bird said...

Yeah, this is something I used to do allllll the time. Now I don't care if I look like an idiot- I ask the question. AND I tell people what I want. "Please can you call me if you... blah blah blah." I make my expectations known. And amazingly most of the time I am not disappointed. Most people just want to know what is going on and what you expect. Now I ask other too. What do they want to happen? What do they need? etc. I am getting much better at this, but still have my moments when assumptions let me down. :)

Merry Christmas!

Bob Sanchez said...

You want the truth, huh? By the time I'm dead I may have stopped making foolish assumptions.

Bob Sanchez

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