Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Friday, February 5, 2010

good days and bad

On Wednesday, we were told mom was doing well enough to send her home. Yesterday, Thursday, she didn't feel well, didn't want to eat, and just slept. I waited for the doctor to see what he would recommend. He did, indeed, send her home. It's scary, but feels like the right thing to do. It was a grueling day. I arrived at hospice at 7:15 am. She came home by ambulance at 5 pm. The home health agency arrived at 6 pm. The hospice nurse came at 7 pm. The pharmacy delivered meds at 8 pm and the aide left at 9. I gave mom her night meds and was near collapse.

The doctor said everyone has good days and bad. But with a leukemia patient, the good days are better and the bad days are worse. When she's good, you can't help but question the diagnosis. When she's bad, you think she's going to leave her body any minute.

And all I can do is be with her and love her. I can't make this journey comfortable for her. It's her work to do. The hospice chaplain said something so wise. It is a lesson for all of us to do our work while we are healthy, so there is no unfinished business when we get the point when we are near death. I feel with my memoir writing, I am doing that work. And it continues as I follow my spiritual journey.

Does anyone else pay attention to resentments they may be carrying, unresolved anger, those kinds of things?
Most people don't talk about this stuff.



Stephanie Faris said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. And the words of the chaplain are going to stick with me all day, along with the rest of your post, I have a feeling.

Cyndi said...

Well, that is pretty much all I talk about on my blog so come on over there when you'd like a dose of stuff we aren't "supposed" to talk about....narcissists, resentment, self-loathing, etc.... ;)

Yes, this has been my mission in life for over 2 years...to get rid of all this baggage and be healthier.

I hope you get some rest and are able to find the time to take care of yourself too.

Tamika: said...

I try and gage my emotions and hurts as they happen, but I don't always do a good job. They often surface when I least expect them.

Praying for you.

Mason Canyon said...

You're posts have made me look at things a little different lately. We shouldn't wait to let go of that angry, but we also shouldn't wait to share the good feelings as well. Take care and I'm hoping you have plenty of good days and no so many bad.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

You've touched upon something most people don't like to consider. But there's a reason it says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger" in the Bible.

Joanne said...

Your words are wise advice regarding the intricacies of our relationships. In the past few years, my efforts have to been to live as peacefully as possible, it's so worth the efforts.

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

I don't want my journey to end with unresolved anger, resentment, etc. I want to be able to make the transistion a peaceful one not only for me but for those who are left behind. I'm always reminded of The Serenity Prayer and hope I can follow it.

Helen Ginger said...

I've let go of my resentment. It was doing me no good. My younger sister has not let go and it eats away at her. What good does it do? The person she's angry at is dead now and, in fact, does not deserve that resentment. Ah well, there's nothing I can do to change my sister's mind, it seems.

Keep your spirits up, Karen. You're being carried in the thoughts of many people.

Straight From Hel

arlee bird said...

May God give you the strength you need right now and give your mother the peace. I tend to let go of anger and resentment pretty quickly--it's not something I like carrying around with me and letting it interfere with my living.

The Old Silly said...

Ya gotta pay attention to those deep lurking resentments and bring them to consciousness and get healed of them. They are like poisons in your spiritual well, hmm? Still praying for you and your Mom. It's quite roller coaster road, I know.

Marvin D Wilson

Anonymous said...

Wow, Karen. You're a strong person to weather this, and even stronger to share it with us! Thinking of you.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I'm trying to eliminate old resentments....it's very hard. I'm extremely aware of them when they crop up and, also, my shortcomings in dealing with them. But I do try and I think I'm getting better.

Charlie said...


Thank you for looking after grandma. I appreciate your updates; it keeps me in the loop.

tell her that I love her.

Jan said...

Your observations and compassion make for powerful writing. I learn so much from the time you are sharing with Mildred and with us. Bless you. Jan