Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Telling the Truth Tuesday - It's not about me

I had an aha moment yesterday. I was busy feeling sorry for myself because hubby's siblings left us off an email--till I found out that the original email was about something I already knew, so there was no need to send it to me. Then, when a reply was sent about a brother coming to visit mom here at our house (a message I didn't get because I wasn't on the original email) I was annoyed, because, after all, he'll be staying with us. I have to pick him up at the airport, etc. The annoyance passed very quickly, but still...

Other little things occurred which made me realize how often I interpret things as a slight to myself. My aha moment was that's it's not about me. Very little truly is. When mom wakes up groaning in pain and cold because she's thrown the covers off and tried to get out of bed, it's not about me losing sleep. It's about making her comfortable again. When hubby gets irritated with me (which, thankfully, doesn't happen very often, even though he has cause), it's not about be. It's something inside him that he hasn't expressed.
Sometimes I can't believe it's taken me 60 years to learn the lessons.

Blessings,
karen

13 comments:

Crystal Clear Proofing said...

I think this is perhaps one of the hardest lessons presented to us in life; realizing that the world does not revolve around us.

I wouldn't look at it in terms of how long or how many years it takes us to realize this. We may be aware of it, but it's something we encounter throughout life, and is an ongoing process. Different circumstances will arise and once again, we'll be reminded: Oh yeah! This isn't all about me.

Cyndi said...

I always think everything is about me too...not in a "I'm the center of everyone's universe" way, just that if someone is upset, I assume I've upset them. It seems to take forever to rid myself of this people-pleasing (and highly annoying) trait. It's so nice to hear I'm not alone.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I think my first reaction is *always* that it's about me. I have to really stop myself every time to think about where the other person is coming from. And sometimes I forget to stop myself! Thanks for this reminder, Karen.

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Anonymous said...

I've been a therapist for twenty years, and don't know anyone who's 'gotten' this before living at least fifty years, and many who never 'get' it, no matter how long they live. So celebrate this awareness, then figure out how to remember it.

Joanne said...

I would imagine that, especially in the stressful situation you are in right now, it would be easy to consider behaviors to be slights. It's a sensitive time, and your reactions are certainly understandable!

Helen Ginger said...

That is a very hard lesson to learn. It's one I'm still working on. Right now, you're going through so much that's it's probably difficult to step back and make this observation.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Tamika: said...

It stunned me the first time I read those words for Rick Warren, and it humbles even today. It's not about me, never was.

Elspeth Antonelli said...

I think this is one of the hardest lessons to learn and I think a great deal of it is wrapped up in our own self-image. Poor self-esteem will lead to feeling many things are slights when they're not. A realistic view of ourselves (with all our strengths and weaknesses) will lead to a more realistic view of others.

Personally, I'm still working on it.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

You are so right! We tend to take things personal and get our feelings hurt - or we grow selfish and forget about others.

Patricia Stoltey said...

If you've figured out your husband, Karen, congratulations. Mine is still a mystery.

You're right, of course, it usually isn't about us. And when it is, nobody else notices because they're too busy thinking it's all about them. I'm not sure that even makes sense, but I know what I mean...

The Old Silly said...

That's an extremely important "aha" epiphanie to have, Karen! Kudos for getting that one - few do in this world, hmm?

Hey would you contact me off blog, please? I'm getting ready to buy your memoir, but wondered if you'd like to swap signed copies of each other's books. I'd send you an autographed copy of Owen Fiddler in return for an autographed copy of your memoir. If not, that's cool, I'll just buy one off of Amazon, but it was an idea that occured to me, thought I'd ask.

Have a great evening!

Marvin D Wilson

The Old Silly said...

Ooops, forgot my email addy - marvwilson2020 at gmail dot com

Alexis Grant said...

Your self-awareness is awesome, Karen. So many people wouldn't think about this like you have. Really. Kudos.