I've worked hard on myself. The process began in 1978 when I lost custody of my only son. That was also when I began keeping a journal, which led to wanting to write, which became.... you get the idea. My memoir, "Following the Whispers," is about that journey.
One of the most important lessons I've learned is that I must take responsibility for my actions and my behavior. The last couple of days have been really hard for me. My hubby is away on a business trip and our dog, Buddy, is not doing well. It began with a disc problem in his neck (we are still unsure where that's heading) and ended with his being diagnosed with diabetes.
I spent all day Tuesday, alternately crying, feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up for my thoughts, and crying some more. I had a singing rehearsal scheduled that night. I wanted to cancel the rehearsal, but we have a gig Saturday and we needed the practice. Singing when you are an emotional basket case is not a good idea. Trying to manage a rehearsal when off center is definitely not a pretty picture. Normally impatient anyway, I tend to snap when I'm dealing with stuff.
The key Tuesday night was taking responsibility for myself. After I felt I had snapped at one of the women, I stopped, turned off the music and said, "Listen you guys, I'm really sorry. Buddy was just diagnosed with diabetes, I'm worried sick about him, about the money to take care of him, I'm alone this week and I probably shouldn't have done this tonight. My mood has nothing to do with any of you and I'm really sorry."
The love and support that came back at me was lovely. Now, sometimes, though, even if you do take resonsibility for yourself, you won't get such a positive reaction. But we can't control anyone else's behavior--only our own.
Yes, I'd like to get to the point where I can behave wonderfully in every situation, but that will most likely never happen. Until then, I need to learn to take responsibility for myself when I notice I'm not acting from my highest self. That's all any of us can really do--be the best we can be in a given moment and own up when we're not.
How do you handle it when you feel you've mis-behaved?
Insecure Writers Support Group
Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."