This weekend was a mixture of fun and stress. Friday afternoon, a girlfriend and I went to see "Crazy Heart." I'd been told it was depressing and not worth seeing, but I wanted to see Jeff Bridge's oscar-nominated performance. Glad I did. Not only was Bridge's acting phenomenal, I found the movie eminently believable and somewhat uplifting at the end.
Saturday brought the stress. After singing at a retirement community, while packing up the equipment, one of my trio told me I had offended her, that she wasn't going to participate at our "farewell" event, and that she wasn't going to come to our last two performances. It was a result of an email I'd sent to the old and new group about which songs we would sing at the farewell party. I'd sent suggestions, saying I wanted everyone to feel good about their songs, wanted to make sure everyone got to participate at the level they wanted to, and that this was opening up a discussion so we could figure things out together.
When I said that it wasn't my intention to hurt or offend, I was told "That's not good enough. This can't be fixed. You already sent an email to everyone."
I won't bore you with the rest of the conversation, but what do you do when someone is unwilling to try to fix a problem? Everyone is entitled to their feelings. All our feelings are valid. It's what we do with them that causes problems. This person could have called me up and said she had a problem with my suggestions. It was an easy fix. We always have choice in any given moment about how to respond/react to things.
The old me would have begged, pleaded, assumed I did something wrong and done anything to fix it. This time, I just looked at her and said, "This is your issue, it's how you are choosing you view the situation. If this is how you want things to end, fine. We're done. Good luck." And I turned and got into my car.
The other member of the trio was with me and we dissected my original email as well as the conversation that had just taken place. Truly, there is no way I did anything wrong or communicated badly in my email. How I'm feeling now is that I don't need people in my life who make assumptions about my behavior that judge me as someone who would deliberately offend or slight anyone. That's just not who I am. So, in the end, it's a blessings for both of us that this time together is over.
The new trio is coming together beautifully and I am looking forward to a blend of good singing and great energy.
How do you handle being verbally judged and attacked?
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Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."