Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Friday, April 9, 2010

Trust

Seems my big lesson this year is trust--trusting myself, trusting my partner, trusting the universe, trusting my process. Trust is a tough one for me. Being sexually abused at seven years old by an adult male shattered childhood. Being parented by two people who didn't have a clue because they were parented by people who didn't have a clue either, certainly didn't help. I've had to learn to parent myself, so trusting that has been a long, difficult journey.

There are things I do trust with absolute certainty: I know I am a good person with good intentions who tries hard to overcome my past and be the best I can be. I know this time I've chosen a partner who loves me unconditionally and is on my side no matter what. I know I did the best I could with my memoir and that it will make it into the hands of those who need it. I know that in each moment I have choices about my thoughts, my behavior and my actions.

Where I am stuck is trusting that I am a storyteller. I told my story in my memoir, but that, I tell myself, is quite different from telling a "made up" story. I don't see myself as a "creative" person. My homework assignment from my writing coach is to find a way to re-connect with the magical child I was, before the sexual abuse, before devastating incidents with my father, before all the things that caused me to shut down so completely that I stopped singing, dancing, drawing, and making up stories. The singing and dancing have long since returned. Now it's time to reclaim my ability to create from nothing.

I need to trust in my ability to do what I need to do as I move through these steps towards writing the pieces that are simmering inside me.

Where in your life do you need to trust more?

Blessings,
Karen

11 comments:

Mason Canyon said...

Trust of any kind is hard. I guess I need to work on trust in general. As far as trying to re-connect with the magical child you were, what about connecting with the child you wanted to be. Think about had those things not happened, what would you image your magical childhood like. Just another place to look. Have a great weekend.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I think I try to reconnect with my childhood a lot--because it was an especially creative time in my life and adulthood saps it right out of us. I hope you can find a way to tap back into those days, Karen!

I could probably stand to trust other people a lot--I can't even delegate tasks because I seem to subconsciously think people won't follow through and I'm the only one to be trusted! Craziness.

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Sharon Lippincott said...

Wow, what do I need to trust more? I think I was journaling about that very question, in slightly different words, earlier today, and it was about the whole area of teaching. My answer would fill a very long blog post, and I'm not clear enough yet to summarize it.

One thing I've done that helps me reconnect with my magical child is to walk up and down our steep drive dozens of times, swinging my arms one time, lifting my knees very high another, whirling around, skipping, whatever whimsical idea pops into my head. It's great exercise and loosens both body and soul. Also, in spring when all the New Balls appear, a new ball ($.99 investment) is a great way to get the kid juices flowing. I've been looking all over creation for a cool magic wand too. I think I'll have to make my own, but I was hoping to find one that shoots sparks and twinkles or something.

Elspeth Antonelli said...

I'm rather similar to Elizabeth - delegation of tasks to others is NOT one of my strengths!

Joanne said...

There's an interesting parallel in your words. "... as I move through these steps towards writing the pieces that are simmering inside me." I see the dancer in you, abstractly. Moving through the steps. Just don't give up on the dance, Karen!

Maribeth said...

I think Mason is on to something. Connect to the child you wanted to be in order to become the creative person you long to be.
Trusting others comes when you truly learn to trust yourself. You are, after all, your first best friend forever.

Karen Walker said...

Mason, Love your idea - I'll work on that.
Elizabeth, yes, trusting others to do what we know we do well is hard. It's also about letting go of expectations of how things will be done.
Sharon, I can just see you bouncing around your driveway doing this and that - how fun!
Elspeth - sigh! Delegation is key to our stress management.
Joanne, brilliant insight - thanks so much. I'll dance through the novel - piece a cake - NOT!
Karen

Marvin D Wilson said...

Interesting and sensitive subject to share your thoughts on, I appreciated it. I don't have a big trust issue, except for maybe not trusting strangers. I know I can write a book, at least when the muse is on a roll like it is now. Have a wonderful weekend, Karen. :)

Helen Ginger said...

Trust is not all that easy for me either. For some reason, though, the older I get, the more people I have around me that I do trust.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Jemi Fraser said...

Relearning trust is one of the most difficult things in the world. You have approached it bravely and I commend you for your courage and open manner. You'll get there.

Patricia Stoltey said...

My task over the years was to learn to trust others less and my self more. I'm getting there.