Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Friday, June 18, 2010
http://www.glynissmy.com/. Thank you, Glynis, for thinking of me. I'm going to pass on passing this along for now, but reserve the right to do so at a later date. And now for the topic for today: Detachment.
There was a slogan in the 12-step programs that said Detach with love. It was meant for the co-dependent person who was enmeshed with an alcoholic. We were taught that because we didn't cause the disease, couldn't control it and couldn't cure it, we needed to detach from the alcoholic with love. This didn't mean to necessarily remove ourselves from the relationship altogether, although sometimes that is probably necessary. It means to disconnect from the behavior, the negative energy, the drama.
Although I learnt about this almost 40 years ago, I am really just beginning to get it. In every moment, we have choices about how we behave, respond, react. Like the other day, one of my closest friends, upon hearing that I thought she was annoyed when she heard my voice on the phone, said, "No, Karen, that's just you."
I could have just let it go. But I chose to say," No, it's not me. Your tone of voice sounded pissed off."
She then said she'd been expecting the call to be someone else. People have no idea how they come off sometimes. I am continually surprised when someone shares how they perceive what I've said or done.
In the past, I would have been incredibly attached to the above-mentioned conversation and its outcome. I would have worried that she was angry at me. I would have been concerned that if I shared how it made me feel, she'd get even more pissed. Now, however, it was more important for me and my growth to share my feelings with love and detach from the result.
Doing the kind of spiritual work I do, where I am continuously looking at myself, sharing my strengths, my weaknesses, my character flaws, I realize I am placing myself in a vulnerable position for all to see. And comment upon. So if I tell my friends my hormones are bonkers and I'm a bit irritable, that's the filter they than see me through, even though that behavior isn't all of me.
So, detaching from the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others about me and who I am is where I'm at. My work is to be the best Karen I can be in every moment. I succeed some of the time. Some, not so much.
How are you at detaching from the opinion of others?