One of the major themes of my life while I was growing up was wanting to be normal, to fit in. For as long as I can remember, I felt like an alien, in my own family as well as in school and with friends. I was so different from both my parents in temperment, idiology, beliefs, that I was convinced I was either adopted or, as I said, from a different planet. With friends, my extreme sensitivity, whether it was regarding my own feelings, or something I sensed about theirs, always seemed to get me in trouble. Other people mostly don't like to hear they might be feeling something they may not even be aware of feeling. The problem was, I'd sense someone was feeling something they weren't saying, but I'd make assumptions about what that feeling was. That's where we can get ourselves in trouble bit time -- making assumptions.
But getting back to the topic at hand--feeling different--it wasn't until very recently that I've come to the conclusion that being different isn't a negative. Truth is, we're all different, we just learn to conform. It's what humans do. Being okay with being different is part of accepting myself as I truly am and letting go of the chameleon aspect of my personality that adapted to everyone and everything around me in order to be liked and to fit in.
What kept me that way all these years was a fear of growing old and being alone. Now, it's in my solititude that I grow the most, so if I end up old and alone, perhaps it won't be so bad. But I don't think that's my destiny.
How do you feel about being different? Are you? If so, how?
Insecure Writers Support Group
Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs..(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."