Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Friday, August 20, 2010
Most of my life, I've been afraid of anger - either my own or others. My father was volatile. You never knew from one moment to the next whether he'd explode or why. My mother would become stony when angered, face frozen in a perpetual scowl. I simply shut down.
I've worked long and hard on myself, learning to recognize anger signs in others and in myself. Rather than turning anger into hurt or depression as I used to do, I allow myself to feel the feelings, calm down and then express myself.
These skills are being tested in one of my circle of friends. One person is trying to change the way things are done and the way things are being done doesn't need changing - it works. We've patiently explained each time the issue is raised why we do things the way we do, but this person keeps finding new ways to broach the subject again. It feels manipulative and controlling.
In the past, I would have simply complied in order to not have conflict. I can no longer do that, especially if I firmly believe in what I'm doing and why. So I am angry. The way I see it, I am left with two choices. I can continue to allow this person to disrupt the unity of the group, hoping they'll stop. Or, the next time it happens, I can say, "This isn't working for me and obviously this group isn't working for you."
Am I missing a choice here somewhere? How do you handle this kind of conflict?