Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Friday, September 24, 2010

More on letting go

Letting go seems to be the theme of my life these days. Just when I think I'm going to jump out of my skin because I'm stressed over something, I remember I'm not in charge. Most of the time, there is very little I can do in a particular situation other than lend love and support. In one instance, I lent my organizational skills to a friend, but realized once things were organized, it was up to my friend to keep them that way. She refused any further assistance.

Growing up in the household I did, where chaos, fighting, and anger reigned, I desperately wanted and needed to control my environment. So we assume responsibility for things that are not ours, like wanting to fix my parents' bad marriage, thinking it was my fault in the first place.

Learning what is my responsibility and what isn't has been a lifelong lesson. And taking on responsibility for others only leads to grief and heartache. We're responsible for our children's health, well-being and safety, but the ultimate goal is to teach them how to be responsible for themselves. Knowing when to let go is key. I am hereby letting go of assuming any responsibility for anyone's life but my own. I will put into practice being the most loving Karen I can be with friends and family. That's all any of us can do.

What are you holding on to? Is it time to let go?


Cyndi said...

Hi Karen,

I'm finally reading your book. I'm about 1/2 through. So far I'm amazed at how different our childhoods were (although there were some similarities) yet how we struggle with the same issues. The results of growing up in abusive/dysfunctional families are universal. Letting go is one of those results and I still struggle with it too. I'm doing better over the past couple of weeks but I find it difficult to let go at work. I constantly try to do more and more to make sure I'm not disappointing anyone. Being in middle management makes that impossible. I have to do the best job I can without making myself stressed out or exhausted and let the chips fall where they may. I love how your posts seem to always serve as timely reminders for me. Have a great weekend!

Tabitha Bird said...

this is one of life's greatest lessons. and I think in all honesty that I will be learning this one until the day I die. I have let my parents go. And I am letting them go. Every day I let them go a little more.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

We can't worry about the world, just us. People are going to do what they want to do, no matter how hard we try to convince them otherwise.

Rayna M. Iyer said...

What you say is so true, Karen. We take on more responsibility than we need to. And people at the same time need us to take responsibility and resent us for doing so. Learning to let go can take a lifetime.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself- you have no idea how much it helps me put things in the proper context.

Jules said...

Though I make a valiant effort this is something I have a real problem with, letting go. I feel your pain :(

I desire to let go of the hanging on. First steps are so hard.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Karen Walker said...

Cyndi and Rayna, I am so grateful the posts are helpful.
Alex, you are oh so right.
Jules, yes, first steps are hard, but so important. Just like babies, if we fall, we just pick ourselves up and begin again.

Karen Walker said...

Tabitha, what you are letting go of is one of the most difficult things we can do and you are doing it. Releasing people who have done us harm is hard enough - when it's our parents - well, enough said.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I think I'm about to let go of a lot of things...

Helen Ginger said...

It is so difficult, I agree, to let go of wanting to guide your kids. Mine are grown. It's easier with my daughter since she doesn't live close by. It's more difficult with my son who's near by.

Joanne said...

I learned a long time ago that letting go of certain situations and people can be a very freeing gesture, for all parties involved.


I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to.

God Bless You ~Ron

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

I find the older I get, the easier it is to let go of things that I can’t do anything about. They might still worry me on occasion, but I don’t obsess about them.

Anonymous said...

I admit sometimes I think of a person from the past and wonder why the relationship went south. But I know I can't go back in time and make things better. Just have to let them go. I've hooked with a few people on Facebook from my past and so far so good.

Stephen Tremp

Tamika: said...

I'm letting go over trying to control my life. When I release my desires, hurts, insecruities to the Lord I have amazing peace. It complements the amazing grace quite nicely:)

The Old Silly said...

Hey - one of your readers is "The Old Geezer"? I GOT to check him out! LOL. Another fine post of sharing and caring, Karen. Hey just also wanted to let you know I'm almost done with Whispers - took me forever, I know, sheesh - loooooong summer with many irons in the fire - but I promise a sterling review post on my blog and Amazon is coming soon. Loving it!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Wow...Great post! I think what we went through as children plays a huge factor in who we become. It can push towards the same life or in the opposite direction...Thanks for sharing!

Have a wonderful Sunday!