Our local newspaper, the Albuquerque Journal, which I don't read because, having grown up with the New York Times and then the Oregonian in Portland, OR, which are good newspapers, it's just, well...I don't want to sound like a snob or anything, but it just doesn't cut it. But once a month there is a supplement called SAGE, which contains articles for, by, and about women on womens' issues. I've written for them in the past and like the philosophy and approach. This Sunday, the feature article was about women and friendship.
It was perfect timing for that subject because it is an issue I have struggled with in the past and continue to have problems with even today. I don't know what is appropriate to expect from a friendship. How close is okay? How much intimacy? When do you step back? When do you confront? When do you just accept things as they are? When do you try to change things if they are not working for you? Actually, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing these issues are true in any relationship, not just friendship.
Sometimes people come together for a particular reason, there might be something in common that you can commiserate about, or an activity you both like. But what happens when the something in common disappears, or one or both no longer participate in the activity? Can the friendship survive.
As I pondered these things regarding one of my friendships, I realized something important about myself. I am a person who only feels connected to people when there is intimacy - and I don't mean sexual. I mean the kind of talks where you really open up and share how you feel and what you are grappling with. I don't expect these deep conversations every time there is communication, but I do want to know what is going on in the hearts and minds and souls of the people I care about.
But alas, not everyone wants this kind of intimacy. So I am faced with figuring out how to feel close and connected when those around me aren't disclosing their feelings. When they are only talking politics, or movies, or work. Recognizing the differences in people is key to having successful relationship. Learning to negotiate your way through challenges without insulting, yelling, demeaning or disrepecting each other is also crucial.
What does friendship mean to you? Am I alone in my need for this kind of intimacy in my close friendships?
Insecure Writers Support Group
Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs..(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."