Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday Musings - depression has lifted
Four years ago I had arthroscopic surgery on my left knee for a torn meniscus. I didn't pay attention when the surgeon told me I'd eventually need a total knee replacement. I've had so many surgeries, I wasn't willing to accept I needed another one. I remember him saying I had arthritis in the knee, but that didn't penetrate either.
Fast forward to now. My knee has been aching pretty steadily for the past few months. I ignored it until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I went to see the surgeon - he showed me my post-operative report from 2007 - Stage IV osteoarthritis - basically there is no cartilage left in that knee - it is bone on bone.
I am lucky I am not in more severe pain and that I can get up from the couch and walk without much pain. It just aches.
But here's the kicker. I am a folkdancer. Folk dancing involves high impact moves. I think I've known all along that I might have to give it up and I wasn't willing to face that because it is one of the true joys in my life. It is where hubby and I met - it is the main thing we do together.
If I continue dancing, I accelerate the pace of the degeneration and will need knee surgery much sooner. If I quit, and take good care of my knee with exercises, etc, I can perhaps prolong the surgery for years.
Another factor is my insurance will no longer cover my surgeon's practice after 4/1, so I wouldn't be able to go to him for the surgery, and he's one of the best in the state.
So, I've decided to let go of dancing. In three years, I'll be 65 and can go to my surgeon thru Medicare. I hope my knee lasts that long. In the meantime, to replace folkdancing, I've signed up to learn to play the piano - something I've wanted to do since I'm 8 years old.
Motto of the story, there is none. For me, it's to pay more attention to what I'm not wanting to face. Although the difficult decision has a major impact on my life, the depression is much worse.