Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Monday, April 4, 2011
A-Z Challenge: C - The 3 C's
For someone who feels responsible for everything and everyone around her, this was a difficult concept to grasp.
I was an only child and my parents did not have a good marriage - the understatement of the century. They fought constantly. And I was used as a pawn between the two of them. Early on, I decided it my not only my fault that my parents were unhappy, but that it was my job to fix it. I carried that into other areas of my life as I grew up, particularly relationships. If you were upset, somehow it was my fault.
When I began my healing journey, I tried anything and everything to "fix" myself. One of those things was attending 12-step meetings, even though I wasn't married to an alcoholic, my parents weren't alcoholics, and neither was I. But I was dysfunctional. And the 12-step programs helped me tremendously.
What the 3 C's taught me is that a) I didn't cause your problem, whatever it may be. My parents each had their own issues and they brought those problems to their marriage and created their own mess. b) I can't control it. Nothing I say or do can affect your problem. I can't make it go away, I can't diminish it, I can't control your behavior or how you treat me. I can only control myself and my own actions and reactions.
And lastly, c) I can't cure it. If you have a problem, it is your responsibility to deal with it. I can support you by offering comfort, suggestions (but only if you ask me for them), etc. I can't fix it. Period. Stop.
After spending most of my life believing I could fix, not only myself, but everyone else's problems, I am stumped when I can't. This simple slogan helps me remember.