Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Telling the Truth Tuesday: Detachment
I think it has something to do with personal boundaries. One of the effects of having been sexually abused as a young child is that boundaries are blurred. There is confusion about your body and your mind and your spirit and what is your responsibility and what isn't. You blame yourself for what happened long after you know it wasn't your fault. You feel responsible for fixing it, but you can't because you are six years old.
As an adult, if you haven't worked through these issues, these same kinds of boundaries can surface. I have worked on them - a lot. Yet sometimes something bubbles to the surface where I take responsibility for something that isn't mine. It starts with empathy - you are in pain over something in your life. I want to help you feel better. I start by listening. Then, before I know it, if I don't remain conscious inside my own skin, I am offering advice, telling you how to deal with it, and trying to take over your process.
Detachment. They used to say in the Al-Anon program, Detach With Love. Listening is where I must start. And stop. Don't offer anything. Unless I'm asked. Just my ears and a part of my heart.
How about you? Are you able to detach when those you love are in pain?