Do your moods shift in a nanosecond? Can you be happy and joyous one minute and snapping at your best friend the next? I've worked on myself for so many years now and I still haven't figured out why I can turn irritable so quickly. It's embarrassing. I know food plays a part - I'm hypoglycemic and if I don't eat every few hours, I get cranky. So I plan for that.
This past weekend, hubby and I were out running errands and we did something we don't do very often. Go out to eat together. A new Vietnamese restaurant opened several months ago with rave reviews and since Vietnamese is one of my faves, I wanted to check it out. But I don't eat out very often because every time I do, I gain 1-2 pounds and it takes a few weeks to get it back off. I have to be careful, because if I don't get it back off, the next time I will gain another 1-2 pounds and the next time, etc. etc. By monitoring this and doing what I need to do, I maintain my weight loss.
After the most delicious lunch, we went to the Apple Store, where I'm pretty sure hubby got my XMAS present. While he was doing that, I went to a little specialty shop where they have the cutest tops, unique ones you don't find anywhere else. The normal prices are $60-88, and I almost never buy anything. But on this day they were $15-24. I got four new awesome tops.
My mood, after being exhilarated for about a 1/2 hour at my wonderful bargains and my happy tummy, plummeted and remained there the rest of the weekend. The only thing I can figure is that I can't handle being happy for very long. Isn't that crazy? I think it is.
But when I think back to my childhood, my mother couldn't stand for me to be happy. She was jealous of my accomplishments. Don't think too harshly of her. She had a tough time and she did the best she could. Although, truthfully, her best wasn't up to snuff. I came to peace with all of this a long time ago, but it makes me sad that even now, I have trouble maintaining joy.
The good news is that with awareness comes the ability to shift my thinking and I'm working on that. For most of my life, I remained down in the dumps for very long periods of time, without knowing why.
So here's to feeling all the joy there is to feel in this holiday season.
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Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."