There's been a lot happening in my life and in the life of my community of friends. I'm not going to share details about my friends' lives here on this blog, but trust me, the things they are dealing with are not easy. At the same time, I have my friends' 15-year-old daughter this week. She spent this past year in Viet Nam with her family and is now about to go to sleep away camp for three weeks. The reasons why I have her and am in the position of getting her ready for camp are too long to go into here, but let me just say that having a teenager around is quite the experience.
The reason for this post is that all of these things have made me realize just how difficult and tricky friendship can be. Each of us faces the world with our own set of values, beliefs, coping mechanisms, personality quirks and ways of handling situations. This means there will be times when one or more of these things will clash with our friend's methods, behaviors, feelings. How we negotiate these clashes are what make a good friendship or a painful one.
I have learned through the years that I have to be honest about how I am feeling, even at the risk of hurting, upsetting or angering my friend. Most of the time, we can negotiate our way through this, but only by really listening to one another and trusting the process. This means having a willingness to lose that friendship, if the issues can't be negotiated.
What I now understand is some people don't live in the same emotional world I live in. They choose to either pretend nothing is happening, ignore what is happening and build resentments, or they are so unaware, they don't even realize something is wrong.
As I said, friendships are difficult and tricky. But so worth the effort to be fully present and learn to be compassionate and loving, perhaps after finding ways to process our resentments and anger. I'm working on this part. I do not want to sit in judgment on others. I have way too many things from my past that I am ashamed of to ever pass judgment on someone else's behavior.
How about you?
Insecure Writers Support Group
Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."