Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, July 2, 2012

Monday Musings: learning lessons

All my life I've been someone who takes responsibility for other people's feelings and tries to fix whatever the problem is. I always thought that made me kind and caring and loving. Now, I think, how rude is that to presume I have the right to intrude on someone's journey without their asking for my help.

I remember when I was in the 12-step program of Al-anon and they labeled this kind of behavior enabling. One of the slogans was Keep the Focus on Yourself. I've forgotten what I learned in those rooms. Rarely does someone appreciate it when you take it upon yourself to "help." Offering help is one thing. Stepping in and trying to do something about the problem is another.

I wonder if I will ever stop learning these important life lessons. Will I ever be "finished." I have visions of me on my deathbed reaching for my journal and pen for one last insight. Oy vay!

How about you?


Pearson Report said...

Wow Karen...this hit a nerve.

Given the recent turmoil in my life I can safely say my goal here forth with is to "Keep the Focus on Me" and only step in to help when asked.

And...given my nature it will not be something I learn easily, if at all, in this lifetime; maybe in the next I won't have this as a lesson...one can only hope. (fingers and toes crossed)

Insightful post.
Hugs, Jenny

Suze said...

'I have visions of me on my deathbed reaching for my journal and pen for one last insight.'

This is so incredibly endearing, Karen. Makes me love you more!

Karen Walker said...

Jenny, it's a hard hard lesson for me as well. All we can do is continue to work on it.
Suze, me, too you.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I tend to like to help some others' problems, too! It's hard to stop mommying the world, I think. :) I learn lessons daily, then I forget and relearn them!

Arlee Bird said...

I don't know that I have felt too much of a need to take responsibility for others' feelings, but I do like to help fix things. For people close to me it's partly out of concern, but perhaps also to a large part to save me the inconvenience of having to deal with someone else's emotional pains and sufferings. I want my immediate world to be peaceful and uncomplicated and am willing to try to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

Tossing It Out