I think I uncovered the root of my depression. Or at least a core belief that causes me to feel depressed. I have felt unwanted since I'm about 3. I realized yesterday while journalling that until I was 3 years old, I was a pretty happy-go-lucky child. But it was around that time that I began to believe that my parents didn't want me. I know now that wasn't true - it was how I interpreted their behavior - but it shaped a core belief. That belief followed me with boyfriends, and even with my own child.
I knew I felt "left out" of things, but this is different. I also know I am deeply loved by my hubby and that he "wants" me. And I'm not talking about sexual attraction here. It's a deep wanting to be with someone. Wanting that someone in your life. Wanting to spend time with that someone.
This unwanted feeling hits me frequently. I won't list all the instances here, but it was astounding to me to see how often I feel this way. So now what?
First step always on my spiritual journey is to accept what is. So that's where I am. I am accepting that much of the time I feel unwanted. What usually follows acceptance is an ability to catch those feelings in the moment and shift the energy, because this has been operating on an unconscious level all of my life. Now I am shining a light in this dark place.
Do you ever feel unwanted?
Insecure Writers Support Group
Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here on Monday and Tuesday. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair.
"ONLY ONE THING IS MORE FRIGHTENING THAN SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, AND THAT IS NOT SPEAKING IT." Naomi Wolf
"We are called human beings, not human doings."
Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
"The way to do is to be."