Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, November 12, 2012

Monday Musings: Getting Clear

There is nothing like good friends. Friends who listen with their hearts and not their heads. Friends who know you inside and out and can help you see your way clear when things get muddled. I have several such friends and, without them, I don't know where I'd be.

I've been struggling with friends whom I love dearly telling me I look skinny, or like a waif, or some other comment that hurts me. Perhaps they are just not used to seeing me this way. I don't really know. But at this point, I don't really care.

I've struggled with how to respond. First, I sent an email asking people not to comment on my weight. That didn't work. It's still happening. A friend suggested something, but I couldn't remember what she said, so that didn't feel right either.

Then, after a long talk with a friend who has no issues with how I look, I got clear. What I realized is that for the first time in my entire life (and that's 63 years, folks), I like what I see in the mirror. I am truly and deeply soul happy with my body - how it looks - but especially how it feels. This is where my body was meant to be. It is home.

So, the next time someone tells me I'm too skinny, what I am going to say is, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am happier than I've ever been and feel great as well. Period. Nothing else needs to be said.

How about you? How do you respond when good friends say hurtful things, even if it's not intended to hurt?


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And always consider the source - they just might be envious.

Jennifer Shirk said...

Yeah, some people really don't respond well to others weight loss.
My hubby was not overweight but he did trim down a bit when he started working out more. So now he's quite thin--in a healthy way. actually, he looks fantastic. But the way people have been talking to him you'd think people thought he had cancer. Weird.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I think your response sounds perfect.

I can't imagine commenting on someone's weight (other than complimenting them...and even then I'd think twice!)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

People tell you that you're too skinny? How rude. Would they comment if you were too fat? Oh, that's what I would say!

jaybird said...

My sister got super hurt by "friends" commenting on her weight loss (one she couldn't help since she was terminally ill at the time) A lot of people who didn't even know she was sick, alluded to and started rumors about her having an eating disorder. It really hurt her feelings-and crushed her heart. I never forgot that. So, I try not to comment on the weight of my friends, whether it goes up or down!

I'm so sorry they are hurting your feelings.

Karen Walker said...

Alex, I do and the sources in this case are people I love deeply and whom I know love me.
Jennifer, it's a puzzle to me why people do what they do
Elizabeth, yes, that's how I feel, too.
Diane, LOL
jaybird, oh my goodness, that is just awful. What a powerful reminder Thank you.

L.G.Smith said...

Those people probably thought they were being complimentary, not realizing it was rude. Hard to understand why they'd still say something when asked not to in an e-mail though.

Karen Jones Gowen said...

My sister is going through this right now. That she's too skinny, she doesn't need to lose weight, what is she thinking etc etc. It really upsets her.

Anonymous said...

Often we need to discern between or critics and our friends. If a friend is concerned she would ask, lovingly 'how you feeling these days' rather than tell you that you look too skinny. My radar goes up when I hear a friend comment that he/she is scared to become fat, as then fear msy the reason of her weight rather than a healthy image. Your response was perfect!