Welcome to Following the Whispers blog
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf
“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I get in trouble frequently when my intentions are not coming from the right place. If I am looking for ego gratification rather than coming from a place of sharing who I am, then I have expectations that always leave me disappointed. I'm learning I must have good, clear intentions and no expectations in order to feel inner peace. I couldn't figure out why I always have a wonderful experience singing at retirement communities but not when I sing at an event when friends are present. What I discovered is that my intention at the retirement places is to share my joy - no ego involved. My intention with my friends is to show what I can do and I have certain expectations about the response I will get. I always screw it up and am always disappointed in both myself and the responses. Now I know why.
How about you? Do you "retreat" from daily life and ponder stuff?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Right before we were to start singing, I told myself none of that mattered. I was there so share my joy and have fun, because if I have fun, the audience will have fun as well. You know what? I was right.
They loved us, including the Broadway songs. Even though they didn't sing along with those, they were smiling and tapping their feet.
My truth for today. I have opinions inside my own head about what other people will think, like, feel. And I really don't have a clue about that. Moreover, it's none of my business. Love that saying, what you think of me is none of my business. I do so much better when I let go of any expectations about anything I am doing and just be and do whatever it is, with love and joy in my heart if possible.
How about you?
Do expectations get in the way of your enjoyment?
Monday, April 15, 2013
I am in a grieving process for losses I experienced in my life that I never grieved. Part of the grieving process is anger. So the exercise I did was to make a list of all persons and situations that hurt me or made me depressed and said (inside my own heart) how angry I was. What I noticed was, with each person or incident, I felt the anger in a different part of my body (neck or shoulder or lower back, or jaw, or between my eyes). That's where I've been holding the unexpressed emotion. No wonder I'm tense all the time. Oy!
Then I asked to release all the emotions I am still holding around these people or events. What I'm learning is that if I don't express how I really feel, my body pays the consequences somehow. This doesn't give me permission to blast my anger out at the world. But I can learn to express it in a healthy way, rather than suppressing it and making myself sick.
How about you? Are you comfortable expressing anger?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Anyway, back to the lunch. They both shared that I am an intense person. I drive myself really hard and exhaust myself in the process. Then when I get the result I want, I've worked so hard for it, I hardly enjoy it. Hmmm. Do I really even know what it feels like to truly be relaxed. To not have my shoulders scrunched and tense. To not have my mind chattering away. To not be breathing too fast because I'm anxious. Not!
So I am learning to be more self-nurturing. I'll let you know how I do that as I figure it out.
How about you? Are you good at nurturing yourself?
Monday, April 8, 2013
For a multitude of reasons, I developed a core belief that feeling joy was not okay. So when it bubbles up inside, something had to happen to suppress it. I have fractured my ankle in 7 places after getting my college degree in my fifties; severely sprained my ankle after landing in Mexico to vacation with dear friends; torn my rotator cuff after planning a dream trip to Machu Picchu, etc. etc. etc.
I firmly belief that once you become aware of an issue or a pattern or a behavior, you can change it. I am now in the process of re-training my mind and body that joy is a good thing.
Have you ever had to re-train yourself?
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
I finished the first draft of my novel. And that is what I want to talk about today. I finished writing a novel. When I write that, and when I think about that, I realize what a monumental accomplishment that is. I was a nonfiction writer for 30+ years. Never dreamed of writing a novel until I went to Ireland/Scotland in 2009 and that darned voice came, asking me to tell its story.
I did it, kicking and screaming along the way, because I didn't think I could. Didn't think I knew how. Didn't think it would be any good even if I did figure out how to do it.
But you know what? It doesn't freakin' matter. What matters is that I stuck with it. I allowed this story to emerge, I don't know whether it's any good. I don't know if anyone besides a few close friends will ever read it. I don't know if I can find an agent/publisher or whether I will self-publish. All I know for sure is that I finished writing a novel. And I feel pretty darned good about that.
How about you?
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
But another layer has surfaced and it's about grief. I am grieving the loss of a deep, loving connection with my mother while she was alive. I am thinking of fond memories of my time with her, rather than painful ones. And in this process, I am recognizing my mother shut down and cut herself off from her Spirit Light, or Higher Self, or whatever you want to call it. And as a result, cut off the love she felt for me. Now, with this work I am doing, I am beginning to have tremendous empathy for the loss she experienced in not living the life she could have lived and grieving the loss we both experienced by not allowing love to flow between us in a natural way.
Truly, forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about us. It is so we do not carry the burden of anger, resentment, guilt and hurt. So we can be free to love. It is about freedom from emotional pain.
Are you holding onto anything you shouldn't? I'm working on it...
Monday, April 1, 2013
How about you?