Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, July 29, 2013

Monday Musings: Giving up versus resignation versus acceptance

I've been working on healing my emotional, psychological and spiritual wounds since I'm 28 years old (that's 36 years, folks). I've healed so much that I didn't think possible. And I know I will be on this healing journey till the day I die.

But are there some wounds that aren't "healable?" Are there some things one must learn to live with and manage? I have a tendency to want to give up when the going gets tough. However, I also tend to work through those feelings and keep going. I've also resigned from friendships and situations and jobs that were toxic. I've also learned there are some things I just cannot fix or change and I must just accept.
Telling the difference between these three things can be very challenging.

I'm facing this challenge now with my health. In the scheme of things, it's not bad. Nothing is life threatening. However, it is impacting my quality of life somewhat. I am thinking I just need to start acting as if I'm perfectly healthy.

How about you?


DEZMOND said...

the only good thing about getting hurt is that the wounds and the healing process are our valuable lessons which make us what we are later on in life.
Thanks for the follow, dear

Karen Walker said...

You're welcome, Dezmond. Glad I found you.

Siv Ottem said...

Getting rid of the toxic in your life is good advise! Not always so easy though, is it? Certain things we all have to learn to live with because fighting them does more damage then good. Good luck on your journey!

Gene Bodzin said...

Yes, Karen, I find as I get older that it is often pretending I am healthy that makes me so. I cannot forget the statement of William James, that science must sometimes take a back seat to faith when reality depends on our faith that it will. Living by the philosophy of "as if" can be a life saver.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to much of what you have written. Sometimes situations are hard to accept but somehow we do. With health at the age of 42 I was diagnosed as being Epileptic, straight away I said"Epilepsy is living wit ME and NOT the other way around. I have travelled extensively, obviously if I feel off colour I don't travel but on the whole life has been good.
Take care and good luck.

L.G. Smith said...

Toxic relationships are so unhealthy. I've had to give up on certain friends and family who were more harmful to me than good. And it hurt, but it was best for me and my health.

Karen Walker said...

Siv, thanks so much
Gene, hello there, dear friend. Thanks for the wisdom.
Yvonne, that's a tough one but you have a great attitude!
L.G. toxic relationships are particularly difficult, especially if it's family.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Learning when to walk away can be tough. Especially from people. But if we can't help them, then they will only hurt us.

Suze said...

The friendship variable may be the toughest of all, because it has dynamic components. There are times in a friendship when the two of you are closer in your constantly shifting arcs and true beauty and deep camaraderie emerges. And there are times when all of the variables in each of your lives get thrown into a cauldron and it's a less-than-ideal combustion, and you have to back away a bit for both your sakes. Friendship is a living thing. Not like a pretty butterfly pinned to a cork board.

Anyway, I write all of that to say that I certainly understand the feeling that sometimes a friendship must be 'given up.' I wonder if sometimes it's just that it needs a rest. And if it resurrects then, well, that tells you everything?

Patricia Stoltey said...

Hi Karen -- Some problems are harder to deal with or overcome than others, so it's logical there would be different ways to cope or as I like to put it, "get to the side."

And yes, I find acting as if I'm healthy and feeling good gets me closer to the real thing. Lately I've taken to recording a bunch of comedies that make me laugh out loud on my DVR (mostly Everybody Loves Raymond) and watching at least one a day. It's amazing how good I feel after a good laugh session. :D

Karen Walker said...

Alex, that's the key for me. If I continually am hurt after trying to resolve things, it isn't okay.
Suze, you are right. That's why it is so hard to determine which action to take sometimes. If I don't know, I wait until I am sure of the right thing to do.
Patricia, that's a great idea - laughter really is good medicine.

Robin said...

You have already learned some invaluable lessons. Accepting the things we cannot change is one of the hardest things there is. It's right up there with changing the things we can. The fact that you have reached the place to understand that there are "toxic people" and have managed to cut the cord speaks volumes. Some people never get there. I know that it is something struggled with for YEARS.

I do believe that the brain is very powerful and does respond to our attitude or beliefs about things. So, if you think that you would feel better by simply believing that you do, it is sure worth giving it a try. I hope you let us know how it turns out!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Some things we can't fix or change, but it helps if we recognize that and are aware of those issues.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Great advice about backing away from unhealthy relationships.

I always hear that acting happy when we're not and acting healthy when we're not can actually help us. I hope you'll find that's the case!

Richard Hughes said...

Acting"as if"can work for some things in the short term,but understanding and accepting works better in the long term.

Karen Walker said...

Robin, I sure will. I'm studying the conscious versus subconscious mind and how our subconscious follows our conscious thoughts, so I'm trying to change my conscious thoughts to more positive ones.
Diane, yup, it sure does.
Elizabeth, thanks so much
Richard, what I said to Robin goes here as well. Understanding and accepting are part of the process, but I need to change my negatives to positives in my thinking.

Carol Kilgore said...

Telling the difference between toxic and healable is so hard. I tend to want to push through and never give up on anything or anyone. That's not always a wise decision.

Acting as if you're 100% healthy can't hurt you, as long as you follow your doctor's advice while doing so. Maybe soon you won't need the doctor :)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Since you sing some classic songs, I'll bet you know the old one with the lines, "...you've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative... don't mess with Mr. In-Between..."

Trust yourself. And whistle a happy tune.

AFord said...

Hi! Karen

Ventured in via Alex Cavanaugh's site, and am glad I did. Seems there's a wealth of insights here. Hope this message finds you well and in great spirits today.