Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, January 19, 2015

Monday Musings: handling difficult situations

Being the executor of someone's estate is not easy. It's one thing when it's a parent, but this time around, it's a close friend and it is not comfortable for me to have authority over someone else's finances and to be making decisions that person can no longer make for themselves. I wish I hadn't accepted this responsibility, but I did, so I'm doing the best I can.

There are extra stressors, like having to work with someone closely who handles things very differently than I do. And having a long list of things to do while grieving the loss of my friend. And trying to fit my life in between the list of to do's.

I feel, in some ways, like a teenager who is learning to navigate the world on their own for the first time. I now have tools and ways and means of handling my emotional landscape way better than when I was a teenager 50 years ago. I am on firm foundation now.

I wonder. Does life ever get easy? Is there ever going to be a time when I don't have some kind of physical issue going on - oh, I forgot to mention my back is out? Or a time when I won't get pulled so off my center so that I don't have mini emotional breakdowns?

I know this sounds like whining, but I don't really think I am. I just wish I could find the place in the river of my life where there are no rapids, no sharp bends ahead, where I can just drift safely for awhile.




Murees Dupé said...

I am so sorry about your friend. Take your time making your choices. Wishing you the best.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I'm sorry it has to be your decision and responsibility.

I think we have already passed the easiest point, Karen.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Karen--I would be very uncomfortable in your situation, too. I read a series of posts from writers Dean Wesley Smith and his wife Kathryn Rusch a year or two ago about the troubles they had as a friend's executor--so I know that you're not alone in this. Hugs.

Hoping that there is a nice quiet stretch of time for you where you can just *be* and not face challenges.

Karen Walker said...

Murees, thank you
Diane, I think you may be right.
Elizabeth, it is nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Thanks.

Bish Denham said...

Hugs to you. I can only imagine how difficult it is. As for wondering when you'll reach a still place in the stream of life? They DO happen, but while you're riding the rapids all you can do is hang on and try to find things to enjoy about it. Look for the small things and remember to breathe.

Arlee Bird said...

I don't envy your position as executor. My sister and I are in charge of my mother's affairs, but so far the road has been smooth as my mother had everything laid out clearly as far as distribution goes and my sibs are all in agreement.

Sorry to hear about your back. Mine has had problems every year at this time for a number of years now. So far no problems and I hope it stays that way.

Tossing It Out

Liza said...

My husband and I updated our wills recently, as a result of managing through others in our family who hadn't. It wasn't fun and when it was all was said and done, we looked at each other and said, "Life just keeps getting harder." I'm not sure we'll ever get to that peaceful time of now worries...so we have to find the peace within.

Karen Walker said...

Bish, that is such good advice. Thanks.
Arlee Bird, I hope your back stays healthy, too. You are lucky about your siblings all being in agreement. This isn't about distribution of stuff. It's personality styles and communication problems.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That's a tough place to be. Be she trusted you and despite the challenges, you'll get through it.
I don't think gets any easier.

~Sia McKye~ said...

Oh, don't we all wish for that nice smooth river?

I'm sorry you lost your friend, Karen. That's a hard thing to deal with at any time. It's got to be harder when having to deal with this sort of situation because you keep getting smacked with the fact that they're gone. Seriously, all you can do is your best and that changes from day to day.

Sia McKye Over Coffee

Karen Walker said...

Liza, I guess that's what I've been resisting accepting - that life does keep getting harder. You are so right - have to find that peace within.
Alex, yeah, I'm starting to get that...thanks
Sia, You're so right, my best does change from moment to moment. I've had some not very good or nice moments and they're not fun!

Chrys Fey said...

It always does seem like I always have some kind of health issue or emotional breakdown around the corner. I'm sending you prayers and warm thoughts.

Karen Jones Gowen said...

My sister was executor of my mother's estate and did an amazing job with it but I know it really stressed her out at the time. I've never been in this situation. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Wishing you a restful period now and again as you're navigating these rapids.