Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Telling the Truth Tuesday: Learning to be a good wife

Hubby loves trains. That is putting it mildly. He is a train fanatic, er, buff. He has been collecting train memorabilia and antiques for years. Now that the pool table from his childhood is the focal point of our living room, I reluctantly agreed to let him put train stuff on the shelves in the room and on the walls. It made him so happy. That touched my heart, because this man only wants my happiness and has done nothing but go along with things that will make me happy for 19 years now. It's my turn. Now I get to do something that makes him happy, even if I don't necessarily like it. And I get to do it without being cranky or snarky or irritable or anything but loving.

I'm not saying I've been an unloving wife. I do lots of loving things for him. But this one is hard because the space around me is important. The other day I heard a couple who had been married 60 years interviewed. He said, "it's all about compromise, but not 50-50 comprise. It's 100%-100% - all the time."  Hmmm........

Blessings,
Karen

19 comments:

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

You are being very, very understanding! I think I need to learn to give a little more...

And I'm fascinated by people (usually men) who are fascinated by trains. It's a whole, very cool subculture. I've wanted to write a train enthusiast for a long time.

Karen Walker said...

I bet hubby would love to be interviewed, Elizabeth.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And it's the simple things that make us happy.
Although I enjoy making my wife happy more.

Robin said...

Maybe you will learn to appreciate trains (probably not even close to the hubby). Trains changed our ability to get from one place to another in a time when that was very tough. It's very impressive. Maybe you can focus on that... :)

nashvillecats2 said...

It's good for hubby to have a hobby, I gather your don't share his love of trains, perhaps one day.......perhaps?

Murees Dupé said...

You are indeed a good wife. Compromise is so important and I know many woman that never compromise, but are married. I can never figure that out. Wishing you and your husband the best.

L.G. Smith said...

Oh, Karen…

I've been married to the same sort of man for twenty years. A train fanatic! He also works for the railroad as an engineer. When we first got married I allowed him to put his trains in the LIVING ROOM. But no more. He gets a hobby room now.

Alas, he's also passed this strange quirk on to my son. When the two of them get talking, I start looking for the exit. :P

Manzanita said...

I understand
I lived in a baseball musuem for 25 years and never complained because it made husband happy. It was a 100% compromise. He allowed me my small wood flamenco dance floor and that was really all I wanted. I'm not a decorator anyway.

Good for you. it works.

Sharon Lippincott said...

I can imagine a wall lined with narrow shelves filled with model trains as an artistic delight. My vision is a brick red wall with shelves painted to match the wall, or maybe stained pecan. But any color would work, light or dark. 3" shelves would take up about as much room space as a large picture frame, and many shelves a single train wide would be less cluttered looking than three or four trains abreast on a book shelf.

However he does it, sounds like this room is becoming something of a man cave. Are you adding a flat-screen on one wall? Bravo for you. You did say you've trandformed another room into a small sitting room, right?

And you have a hide-away to write?

As we hunt for a new home in Austin, we're keenly aware of how our use of rooms has evolved since our children left home decades ago.

Enjoy!

Karen Walker said...

Thank you all for the thoughts and comments and suggestions. I am slowly getting used to the new look of the "old" living room and I absolutely love the "new" den/sitting room. It is where I write as well and it's cozy and comfortable.

Sharon Lippincott said...

Pictures when you're done?

Arlee Bird said...

Compromise and acceptance is very important for a successful relationship. And trust. Making a relationship work can be a huge challenge.

Arlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Karen - I guess at least you know he'll be safe .. engrossed in his trains and not wandering off. Much like a man and his shed, or a man and his garage with cars ...

Well done for letting him express himself in your home - bet he's delighted ... and look a few other train fanatics ... and I know of another blogger here whose husband is model train and train mad ... I wouldn't mind a play room with trains in it!!

Cheers Hilary

Karen Walker said...

I wish the room had actual trains - that would be fun. It's just train drums and lanterns and pictures with the pool table in the center of the room. But I'm getting used to it and adding some feminine touches and it's going to be a cool "play" room.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

How wonderful of you to agree with that in order to make him happy - you're right - it's 100%-100% ;)

LD Masterson said...

If you don't mind a word of advice from someone who's been married 46 years...I never use the word "let" in connection with my husband. Parents "let" their children do something. Spouses "agree" on things. It sounds nit-picky but it can really help you keep your relationship in perspective, and that's a challenge over the long haul.

Karen Walker said...

LD, thank you for that - you're very wise and I hadn't thought about it that way.

Carol Kilgore said...

Compromise and communication are key in a marriage. Each of us brings our own quirks into the union, and those are what make it fascinating and sometimes a little crazy, too :)

Connie Arnold said...

You are being a good wife, and compromise is very important in a lasting relationship. It's a small price to pay for such a priceless gift!