Welcome to Following the Whispers blog

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. Hope you enjoy your stay. I blog here whenever I feel the need. This blog was created at the time my memoir came out, in February, 2009. Its motto was: creating a life of inner peace and self-acceptance from the depths of despair. Now, my focus is sharing this journey we call life.

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it.” Naomi Wolf

“We are called human beings, not human doings.” Wes Nisker, Buddhist teacher

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…(And) if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Telling the Truth Tuesday - missing out

For most of my life I've had a difficult time if I felt I was missing things. As an only child, I felt left out if my parents went into their room and left me alone. If I was not included when friends got together, I felt left out. If I am with several friends, and two of them are talking and I am not included, I feel left out. It used to make me feel like I was missing something crucial. And it made me feel unloved.

I know now that you can't be included in everything. People have gatherings in their home and certain people are invited and certain people aren't and it doesn't mean the ones that aren't invited aren't loved. Over the years, I am much less reactive if I feel I am missing something. This past weekend, my husband went to our annual folkdance camp. I didn't go because my knee won't let me folkdance right now without a great deal of pain, so I am choosing not to folkdance.

It was much easier than last year, when I was miserable the entire weekend, wondering what I was missing in terms of the dances being taught and the conversations people were having. This year, I stayed focused on things I wanted and needed to do and didn't spent much time wondering what was going on at camp that I was missing. I guess I realized there's a whole world of people and places and things I am missing, but if I spend my time feeling bad about what I am missing, I am not fully present in the moment I am in.

What are you missing out on? Do you care?


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Just think - those people missed out on the quiet time you enjoyed!
All a matter of perspective...

Suze said...

Once again, I'm with Alex. The first thought I had was, 'well, if you'd gone, you'd miss out on whatever you will experience, here, instead!'

It was your choice. Yesterday, you said you felt like you 'didn't have a choice.' Today, you chose not to go for a good reason. You're watching out for the health of your knee.

I think it might boil down to a fear of making the wrong choice, and I think we all experience that to one degree or another. Maybe. Maybe I'm reading my own process into your words, Karen! :)

Talli Roland said...

It is indeed a matter of perspective! Sometimes I'd rather miss out on the hustle and bustle and appreciate the quiet.

Linda H. said...

SO true, Alex.

I miss out on things all the time. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. Life is just that way. We can't do everything and be every where. I accept that and trust that things fall into place the way the should be.

Mason Canyon said...

I like your take on this. We sometimes forget that we are missing so much by focusing on what we don't have or aren't doing. What we have and where we are at the moment is the important thing. If we don't take time for that - there's no telling what we've missed. Hope your knee is feeling better.

Thoughts in Progress

Tracy Moore said...

Hi Karen, you're right we can't be present in the moment if we are occupied with where we are not. I've been having my little pity party for months about being where I am at the moment, because it really does pale in comparison to where I'm going. It's easy for me to say this now that I know that I'll be leaving soon isn't it? lol

As for missing out on events and conversations...for the most part I really do not care and haven't for most of my life because I really am a person who craves and needs alone time. When I'm surrounded by people for too long, I tend to find an escape route as soon as possible to decompress. It isn't that I'm antisocial because I do love being around people. Solitude is just one of my great loves. Quiet time to read, write, think is heaven for me. :)

Karen Walker said...

Oh, my blogging buddies are oh so wise. Alex, you are so right - it is a matter of perspective and it's taken me this long to realize that.
Suze, maybe I didn't word my post correctly because I was totally okay with all of this.
Talli, I'm beginning to feel that way more of the time
Linda H, yes, trusting that things happen the way they should is part of it.
Mason, thank you
Tracy, your situation is very different - and you're handling it beautifully

Tonja said...

I agree with Alex - I also think they missed out on your company too.

Gene Bodzin said...

This was a provocative post and a touching set of comments. I am reminded of a two-week trip I took out west with my children, then 8, 10, and 11, them wanting to see everything and me determined to limit ourselves to two campsites. So we tried to see every hill and valley within a two-hour walk of where we were, and they still remember more about flowers and grasses and lakes in the foothills of southern Alberta than they could have remembered about highways. You have to see what is in front of you, and not think about what might be waiting around the corner. This is the only moment you have.

Anne Mackle said...

I think I worried about missing out on things more when I was younger,It was awful if you missed out in a party or gathering.These days it doesn't bother me so much in fact I'd rather not be invited,oh goodness I think I'm getting old.

KarenG said...

I never feel this way. I like missing out on things LOL. My recurring thing is that I'm missing getting something done that I was supposed to do. That's bothered me since kindergarten!

Liz Fichera said...

I've missed out on a lot of things this past year, though not by choice. I understand the feelings you're having but I must confess that I've never let this bother me. Maybe you should focus on the fact that those people missed out on your company?

Arlee Bird said...

I know what you're saying. I had 4 siblings and often felt like I was missing out on things, especially when I got to high school. I still feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. I try not to care and sometimes don't, but other times I do care a lot.

Tossing It Out

Susan Roebuck said...

I don't live in the UK - I live in Portugal - so I know I miss out on a load of things I'd otherwise enjoy. But I do have beautiful things here that my UK friends and relatives miss out on too, so it works both ways. Painful knees are awful. Hope you feel better.

Patricia Stoltey said...

Hi Karen --- I'm so busy these days that I don't have time to fret about the things I'm not doing. I guess the one thing I feel I'm missing out on though is time with my family and out of town friends. They're spread all over the place, including Illinois, Nebraska, Indiana, Arizona, Nevada, and three different parts of California.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Karen .. I missed getting tickets for the Olympics .. but now that I have a bit more time I can get out to other things .. Museums and the odd Show ... so much I've been wanting to do these past years and now I can thankfully.

Cheers and I'm glad you're doing what you can and realising all is not possible ... happy weekend - Hilary